Here are the facts: I am playing the role of a doctor in a fictitious state, sued for malpractice after a treatment produced less-than-optimal results. According to my fact sheet, I am not allowed to go above $90K under any circumstances.
Yet as I sat in this simulation, listening to the opposing client falsely claim they earn six figures and demand compensation, I noticed something: even though they were being unreasonable, I still felt compelled to be cooperative. Why?
In the end, I agreed to a $90K lump sum with an additional $10K in seller financing, directly against the advice of counsel.
This exercise became a lesson in self-advocacy and boundary setting. How often do we compromise beyond what’s required?
Betraying yourself is a costly habit. People pleasing, choosing the path of least resistance to avoid being disliked, and avoiding conflict are all actions that give us a break temporarily from discomfort in the fleeting moments after the fact. But in the longer term, they each add up brick by brick to a shaky foundation forged on self-doubt.
For decades, psychologists believed that low self-esteem came from simply a dislike of ourselves. However, the truth is far more complicated. Liking ourselves is one dimension of self-love, but trusting ourselves is entirely another. When it comes down to it, can we trust ourselves to act in our self-interest and assert our needs instead of capitulating to the needs of someone else? Can we trust ourselves to keep our word when we tell ourselves we are going to do something?
In that negotiation, I could not. And I did not. Instead, I allowed someone else to gain a huge win while I suffered a massive loss. The exercise was fictitious, but the problem it revealed was still very real.
Take some time to reflect on this week. Were there times when you said yes to something where you really should have said no? Times when you stretched yourself just a little bit too far for the comfort of someone else?
Think about what those actions cost you, on their own and in the aggregate. Lawyers often bill times in 0.1 increments. A 0.1 equates to six minutes. Add up your 0.1’s. How much of your time was sacrificed without any reciprocity or a shared value exchange?
This week, I am practicing righteous, earned indignation. I am choosing to be a little more inconvenient. Because sometimes, being unreasonable is the most reasonable thing you can do.
▶ Song on Repeat: “Sweet Honey Buckin’” by Beyoncé
▶ Podcast on repeat: Soul Salon with Ayandastood
▶ In this week: Cortados, guided journal prompts, “spooky season”
▶ Out this week: Bed rotting, drinking Celsius, ghosting your friends
▶ Current Read: “Lessons in Chemistry” by Bonnie Garmus
Let’s Keep the Conversation Going 💕
▶ Know someone who’d love this? Forward it their way.
▶ Got something cool? Let’s get it out there.
▶ Was this email forwarded to you?